I wonder if I am too critical. I shall explain.
I have been enjoying Alpha. The people are very nice, the food is great and I even re-connected with an old friend.
There have been three Alpha sessions so far. Number one "Christianity: Boring, Untrue, Irrelevant?", Number two "What is the Evidence for Christianity?", and Number three "Why did Jesus die?". It's been kind of interesting hearing these teachings with a different mindset. There are so many more problems than I used to let myself see. Belief is pretty powerful stuff, and I believed pretty powerfully. When I think about it, it makes me sad. I do miss it. It almost feels like I am going through the final stages of a separation, except the other person in the relationship might never have existed. I have not yet completely given up on belief, just the more traditional Christian belief, "relationship with Jesus", that I had. If it is something you can lose, I seemed to have misplaced it and picked up some sort of naturalism. The desire to slip back into the more evangelical world view is definitely there. The only thing that stops me is I can't live or preach what I don't really believe. Belief for the sake of belief does not really appeal.
What does this have to do with being too critical? Someone at our table asked to read the notes I had been taking. She made the comment that they seemed to be mostly critical. She was concerned that in criticizing the flaws I saw, I would become bitter. The suggestion was made that I try and write down the positive. She's right, it is too easy to be critical, and I don't want to be bitter. I also don't want to give ideas and beliefs a free ride in my brain. I think the part of it is that there is so much in the Alpha videos that seems contentious to me. I know Mr Gumbel is not trying to, but it seems like he's helping decide what it is that I no longer believe, rather than introduce me to belief. It is also starting to be apparent that Alpha is geared towards Christians, or those with no history in the Christian tradition, not towards the skeptic.
My thoughts are a little all over the place, but I'll end with this. I'll try to write notes in a little more of a positive light. Can a person write critical thoughts of ideas and beliefs without being too critical?
Just to show I'm not too one sided, I am half way through Jesus is Dead by Robert Price. The books seems little all over the place and don't really like his writing style either. Maybe I am too critical. In the words of Megan, "You cynical bastard". I like to think they were said with affection...
Cheers,
Scott
